whiny lil bitch – blahpolar

it is in my heart…

That solemnly handing you a paper boat would make everything alright.
It is in my mind
I am alone and sometimes lonely, but very wary of new people and very nervous about more people.
It is in my brain
Books were the things that kept me enthralled, awake for whole nights. Books and I, we’ve betrayed each other now. I can’t make sense of words for too long and they exact gentle vengeance by sending me sleep and sadness.
It is in my eyes
My eyesight is deteriorating, there are times when I see things that are not real and sometimes when I am sad and my eyes untrustworthy, they feel hooded and old and tired as a vulture’s.
It is in my bones
If marrow can ache, mine does.
It is in my nature
To laugh at my own pretentiousness. It’s a saving sort of a grace.

The other day was a happy one though and here is why.. Elephant, black rhino, lion, buffalo, eland, kudu, red hartebeest, ostrich, burchell’s zebra. Totally worth the 3hr drive there and the same back, and a day’s driving in between.

you’re never too old to be emo

TW: sh, suicide, ill-tempered sadness.

When I can’t speak and I don’t want to feel, when I can’t concentrate on reading and all music sounds discordant, when the slightest provocation rattles right through me and when I remember it in the first place, I slope around the Internet, head down, a smoke in my mouth and a mood like a thundercloud, looking for poetry. I have many, many, many volumes of poetry, but that’s no good for this level of storm brewing. Why not? Simple – I need to be able to copy/paste it and smash it unhappily into a post so that I can weep and bleed and mutter all over my blog. The day afterwards, I’ll be blowing my nose on it instead.

Continue reading you’re never too old to be emo