Quotes - Wim Hof

Well hello there, person.

“But where was I to start? The world is so vast, I shall start with the country I know best, my own. But my country is so very large. I had better start with my town. But my town, too, is too large. I had best start with my street. No, my home. No, my family. Never mind, I shall start with myself.”—Elie Wiesel

I’m trying to write my way to some form of clarity, perhaps. Also to educate myself and store research. And to connect with bloggers.

Bipolar, manic depression, manico-melancolicus, la folie circulaire … I has it. I am not only bipolar and I am not all about bipolar, but this blog is (mostly). That’s why I made it. I figured I could inflict my incessant and obsessive process of getting my head around this on strangers online.

Dx: CPTSD, Bipolar 1 (continuous, ultradian cycling, plus mixed and psychotic features) – early childhood onset, late diagnosis, ADHD, agoraphobia, C-PTSD, WED (the artist formerly known as RLS).


Rx: fluoxetine and olanzapine.  

More obvious aspects of me are that I am South African, queer and incredibly,  amazingly marvellous to look at and be with. Also, I tend to talk shit. Here’s more about me on a cool South African bipolar blog, that you should follow too.


Contact me

The email addy connected to my wp account is a spam catcher, so if you want to get in touch, use this nifty contact form instead. If we know each other on a blogging level and you want the password to my private posts, gimme a yell. The self portrait project page is password protected, only the people who have self portraits there get the password.


The most beautiful thing anyone’s ever said to me:


I will tell you something.

There is a little village perched on the edge of the Indian Ocean. In that village there is a house with a little wooden fence, no razor wire, an open stoep, no high wall or bars like a monkey cage. There lives in that house a beautiful soul. 16,337 fucking kms away and there is not a goddam soul in this city where I have family and friends who understands me like she does. I used to say I did not want to live, making the same careful distinctions every time I got that question about suicidal ideation and intentions. I know the difference. And yes, I feel like shit. But just over 6 weeks ago I fell asleep and almost had the decision about living and not living taken away from me. I do not believe in heaven, hell or reincarnation. If it is dark in the here and now I suspect it is even darker in the gone.

Here there is a light however faint she imagines herself under the Southern Cross. And I believe in her more than anything else at this moment. I hope to fucking hell she believes in herself because I want to sit on that stoep again, listen to the birds calling and watch the sun burst in glory above the sour veld.

92 thoughts on “me|contact”

  1. Thank you for stopping by an liking one of my posts which led me to your very cool blog space. I started a blog to muse about literature and social stuff only to be rudely and dramatically reminded that bipolar can knock the best of us back. As an FTM (another topic I have not blogged about yet), I am keen to hear the musings of another BP LGBT person.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. your childhood, series of events that lead to your diagnoses, love interests, best friends, favorite food, career choises and how you spent your day.
        in this specific order ^ ^


  2. Are ya busy right now? I dunno. Can’t talk to anyone. I just wanna have a conversation with someone who’ll probable understand me. Thanks!


  3. Nice blog. Thanks for posting the “trigger warning” on one. I was not triggered but appreciated the “heads up”. Very thoughtful of you. Keep writing and thanks for checking out my blog as well. I’ll be following you as well. :)


  4. Bipolar I,PTSD,IED
    Lithium 1200mg
    Lamotrigine 200mg
    Topiramate 200mg
    It all seems to be getting worse instead of better. I can’t get my anxiety under control or my anger. I don’t even have a psychiatrist.


  5. I can’t seem to find a way to give you my contact info privately or otherwise, can you find it anywhere? Signed, a Noob. I don’t want to stalk you just give you options lol…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi. I still haven’t heard back from you. I’m interested in having a dialogue with you. Please email me back when you can. Thanks.


    1. Hello, you didn’t give me an email address – if it’s linked to your profile here, I probably can’t see it because I’m using my phone.


  7. Wow! You are an amazing person. I hope the people that ask for help here actually get it. I love the fact that you give your email address to people that need help and I know you give great advise. I think it is excellent that you help people in need of assistance because just a simple act of kindness and care can save a life.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I just read this. The quote reflects you like mirror reflects beauty. If you ever make it here you’re invited to stay in my bunker as long as your heart desires, or until Mrs M decides we’re done. And if I ever make it over there, you’ll be half as surprised as I am. I’m totally jealous of RoughGhosts, who writes like I wish I could write.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s nice not to feel alone; nobody gets it like us. I also have borderline, which I found out when I was in the hospital. It explained a lot of things. I use DBT to help with those overwhelming emotions, and some days it works and other days I’m sobbing and full of anxiety. Thanks for liking my post! I love that you said
    I hate bipolar it’s fucking horrible. I can’t stand when I see I hate bipolar; I love bipolar. What the fuck is there to love about it? Maybe the energy I have so I can clean my house or the feel good feelings, but we know what is coming after that…ugh. I have a post on my blog that is a letter to bipolar; you might like it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi. :) I’m also from South Africa. I don’t have Bipolar, but struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder and Major Depression, and have people close to me that share your diagnosis. Looking forward to reading your posts.

    Liked by 1 person

comment or the dragon will toast you

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s