just another ward 13 Wednesday

Our Lived Experience

Do you ever get that variety of stress where you feel quite stoned? The state hospital I go to is around an hour’s drive away and this morning was the first time I did it alone. Feeling zoned out worked in my favour, because it’s a calm place to be. All that was required of me today was patience. I’d had to skip the morning dose of clozapine, for the simple reason that if I’d taken it, I’d have fallen asleep, but I had some espiride (sulpuride) prn with me. I’m pretty sure that it’s a global truth that government departments generate an impressive amount of waiting time.

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Ward 13 – psychiatric outpatients.

Wait. A small boy chanting quiet football chants and stimming by pointing upwards, seventies disco style. A thin woman who couldn’t sit still. A woman in a wheelchair, with the neatest and sweetest curly grey…

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Published by

blahpolar

battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

8 thoughts on “just another ward 13 Wednesday”

  1. when I was in my court session and in jail this week, I think I was so calm (that “stoned” sensation) because I knew the alternative was to be freaking out kike crazy. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of kid — so my reaction was going to be “whatev’s” or “OMG MY GOD MY KIFE IS OVER AND EVERYONE HATES AND IS DISAPPOINTED IN ME AND I SHOULD JUST END IT ALL NOW BEFORE I FUCK UP AGAIN!!!!”

    so I chose “whatev’s”; resukts in fewer migraines and fewer stares from strangers.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. sometimes, sometimes not. it’s a little of both right now. I’m trying to actively roll with the “whatevs” inclination I’m having currently. it’s *safer*, ya know?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m having a really difficult time conceptualizing this ward 13 as real and present day. It’s just so sad and depressing. Leaves me feeling quite empty yet full of emotion.

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