it is in my mind…

When I was a lass lad kid, I read as much as possible about ancient and Romano-Britain. In many of the stories, ancient Britons of various tribes would preface thoughtful words with, “it is in my mind…” and you could feel the weight of it. I loved those stories, still do actually. I use those words mentally sometimes, because it’d sound very pretentious aloud and some of the things I use it for stay there, in my mind. Sometimes I think, “it is in my heart…”, which sounds even worse aloud – unless you’re in Braveheart or Highlander or something.

I love this quote, I love Camus.

The solidarity of bodies, unity at the center of the mortal and suffering flesh. This is what we are and nothing else. We are this plus human genius in all its forms, from the child to Einstein.

No, … it is not humiliating to be unhappy. Physical suffering is sometimes humiliating, but the suffering of being cannot be, it is life. … What you must do now is nothing more than live like everybody else. You deserve, by what you are, a happiness, a fullness that few people know. Yet today this fullness is not dead, it is a part of life and, to its credit, it reigns over you whether you want it to or not. But in the coming days you must live alone, with this hole, this painful memory. This lifelessness that we all carry inside of us — by us, I mean to say those who are not taken to the height of happiness, and who painfully remember another kind of happiness that goes beyond the memory.

Albert Camus

*chirpy voice and laser pointer* And in my mind today, scattered thundershowers are moving towards this *point* low and… eh, idk. I’m tired and probably over stimulated by good people and their voices.

Thank you for your beautiful words in response to the post about my mother’s birthday, I was and am too tearful to reply. I’ll visit your blogs when I get time and space. I miss you. I miss me too, I wonder where I am.


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battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

10 thoughts on “it is in my mind…”

  1. I love Albert Camus, and now the pretentious chick in me is somewhat embarrassed to admit she’s reading Jenny Lawson. Whatever. I also referred to myself as a chick so maybe I’m not as pretentious as I’d like to think. I’ve been off having anxiety attacks. I’ve missed you. I’m off to catch up. I feel like I missed something quite big, especially reading that you’re teary and wondering where you are. You know you have a tremendous community who will form a search party to come and find you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If you were in the land of the long white cloud, I’d hunt you down (in the least creepy way possible), and give you a little cuddle and tell you I know exactly where you are. We’ll all be here when the fog clears and you find your way out. I’m so glad you have good people with you at the moment.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. “Aotearoa, rugged individual, glisten like a pearl….
      at the bottom of the world.”
      Split Enz

      I am envious of you, lady lo; how wish I lived there and that the rugged Blahpolar did too! ;)

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Grumbles…. I don’t like it that you’re down and I ain’t clicking like on that comment. I want a magic staff so that I can point it at you meaningfully, mutter a few arcane words and instantly make you fluent in Dutch. Please note that I mean that in the Tolkien sense, not Pratchett (“a wizard’s staff has a know on the end”etc). Strongs, strongs, strongs.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. :) You got a smiley from me this morning. Thanks. I keep telling myself my brain is just on the fritz, I’ll manage. The new class should be good and give me the A, B, Cs that I’m missing with Dutch. Really wish I could keep flying, but magic hour is over for me and now I’ve got to face winter with the tools I managed to pick up along the way. <3

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Heh, I’m sitting here playing Romano-Britain in Total War: Attila. You’d love that game, I think. Nowadays “history simulators” are the only thing that can keep my attention.


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