I’m aching and creaking tonight; I slipped and fell on a stone floor yesterday and managed to slam down on to my back, pausing only to introduce my head and ribs to some furniture on the way down. I reacted the same way I tend to where pain is concerned, aaarrrggghhh FUCK! It’s not even like I was hurt much, a bit of shock, a headache and some rather impressive plum coloured bruising. So stylish – all you kids will be wearing it next year. Within a few days the physical aches will be gone. Within a few millennia the soul and mind aches will never be gone.

Today was grey and later the wind picked up and it’s still smacking the sky around out there. I’m so fucking tired. Tomorrow I’ll go and get meds from ward 13. Douchebag-neighbour’s own private homophobe leaves tomorrow, or so I’m told. I feel whacked by that whole situation too. I’ve snubbed him twice on the beach recently, but there’s no pleasure in it. I want a rest from my own mind and the world around it.

Ah fuckit.



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battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

51 thoughts on “”

  1. I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. I’m sending you positive healing vibes. Last June in Isranbul, I was sitting on my carry on with wheels, and it rolled out from under me and I fell like a ton of bricks smack on my tailbone 😓😓😓boy that hurt! I hate falling it makes me really mad too after the pain subsides a little. Get better soon and ignore the nasty neighbors! Did I see you’re walking on a beach? That’s gotta count for something! Xxxooo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh me dear sweat blah blah metal ;)
    What the, I am worried about you aching like that with that fall you took. Are you sure you’re alright? I just saw your post before shutting down the laptop and not only that I saw the image with the Capricorn and me being one of those creatures on every astrological signs there are;)
    I had to stop and see what’s up with you. Ice, painkillers if you can and breathe deeply… big hug and better days me friend take care.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Sorry for the late response I am, and always, overwhelmed with what’s going on around “here”… I hope this answer your question ;) (MCM tv programe) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOQSuYCbPks

        I say blah blah metal a lot, when in good mood. Hope you’re feeling better today me dear. Healing hugs (whatever that means LOL it’s the intension that counts ;)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hugs. Good luck with the trip to Ward 13 (it’s an hour’s drive didn’t you say?) Enjoy the reprieve from Mr Homophobe. How does J act toward you when he is not around? Maybe he’ll insist she wear tin panties while he’s gone, just in case you try something! Now that’s a thought!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sorry to hear about your fall, get better soon. We have an asshole neighbor too, I’ve learned to ignore him as long as he stays in his yard while he’s yelling at me, my wife takes it further by being super nice to him. That really confuses him, but I can’t quite bring myself to do it.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. His favorite subject to yell about is our dogs. He yells that they are always out barking, and when gets loose, he threatens to shoot it. He has repeatedly told me that we don’t deserve to own dogs. Of course, we limit their time outside to the minimum necessary, and do our best to prevent escapes. Other neighbors have dogs that really do bark all day and run around whenever, they apparently don’t matter. He complains about where we put our trash can (the city says where it goes), he yells that our grass is a disgrace, our fence is ugly, and many other things. He comes over to knock on our door and complain, at least until I scared him off.

        Once he came into our yard and was yelling in my face. I actually threatened him, the first time maybe ever that I’ve done that. Since then he’s only been yelling from his yard.

        He’s never told us what he has against us, but he’s told other people and they’ve told us. We’re apparently “Government People”. He thinks we live solely on disability and foster care payments, and he hates that we live in a house as nice as him, when he has to work. At his father’s construction company, reportedly as little as possible. He says that Obama paid for our house repairs after the tornado 2 years ago. Of course that’s ridiculous, State Farm Insurance paid (they were great about it). And of course my wife works most of the time (not at the moment due to multiple eye surgeries after a freak accident when she left one job to start another). And I get a pension from a company that I worked for for 20 years. And what would be the problem if our income was just my disability? I earned that by paying into Social Security for 30 years.

        If he’d just ask, and talk pleasantly to us.

        Sorry about the rant. :-)

        Liked by 1 person

  5. That cavalry quote reminded me for some reason of this cheery gem from Kafka: “There is hope, but not for us.” Sorry about the falls. I’ll take that break from World and Mind, too :)

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Sound the call! *Beeps mounts horse* Damn it, bad juju! Leave Blah ALONE!

    Much more concerned about the grey floating through your post than I am the purple bruising. Glad to hear douche bag homophobe is finally fucking off. Too bad his stench doesn’t wash off so easy. We must build a wall, you and me, to rival the one in China. Set it between you and fuckwad neighbor (she gets a fuckwad for dating a douche bag homophobe). Then you don’t have to deal. Get one of those boiling pots of oil set-ups, too. Just in case.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. A beeps in shining armour. How about a moat with crocodiles in it too? Also, because I am a proud South African, there must be razor wire. Barbed wire is for pussies. So today he left, she says things are going well between them and my patience has worn as thin as gollum’s left ankle. She can fuck right off.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. She can fuck left off too. In fact, she can fuck all the directions at once – mega fuck.

        HELL YES I’ll ride to your rescue. Any damn time. And razor wire it is. ;)

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Ouch bloody hell!! You poor thing. At least adrenaline got used up somewhere… And I’m glad the homophobe is leaving, I just knw you’ll feel much better after he’s gone. I believe in the bad vibes of people around us, without him your neighbour might just be more present again.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks William, thanks lots. Well, the homophobe has gone, douchebag neighbour says things are going well between them. Douchebag can fuck off. I’ve got enough battles to fight without tilting at her fucking windmill as well.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. For some weird reason this and the latest post didn’t appear in my Reader feed….so sorry this scary shit happened, and hope you are okay, not too sore!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope it starts to work for both of us – I’ve never had this happen before! Take care sweet Jess – hope today is going (at the very least) okay!!!!!

        Liked by 2 people

      1. But of course!!! I will keep checking my actual Blah link instead of WordPress Reader and if there continues to be a problem, I’ll contact one of those freaky Happiness Engineers who drink 50 ketamine-infused milkshakes a day!

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Nah, my kid has that title. She gets scraped by a watch and declares she needs an E.R.
            Maybe we just feel things more deeply due to bipolar so we are perceived as dramatic.
            In which case, we should be actors and totally win an Oscar, Emmy, and Golden Globe.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I’m not the only one with a drama kid? My daughter threw up after midnight this morning and threw such a fit that I wound up having to take her to the ER about 4:00 am. So much for sleep. Of course they couldn’t find anything wrong and gave her Zofran.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Mine is infamous for running to school to tell them she threw up when in fact she was coughing up sinus drainage. Never mind facts, though, school policy declares her a biohazard for two days so I end up being called for truancy when they “force” her to miss school.
                Nope not just your kid. Drama must be in the water supply these days.


  9. Good thing my sister isn’t around. She’d say, “f-ing waaah!” Because she’s civilized but doesn’t understand. If I didn’t understand or care, I’d just say “fucking waaah!.” But instead, I LOVE it, and I love you too. Heal that ass, and remember what doesn’t kill your ass only makes your ass stronger. I must be Mr. Olympia by now.

    Liked by 1 person

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