I’m not going to devote entire posts to grrratitude lists every damn day, just till my spleen is clear of the concept. Despite my antipathy to 90% of this whole process, it’s been a surprisingly interesting couple of days so far. I really am grateful to you for the comments – they’ve soothed me and inspired me (don’t stop!), well I’m grateful for you guys every day, you’re on the permanent g-list. Today you are the fucking g-list; the a-list of the g-list.
1. My tribe – the people I share this space with, this meeting of minds and wounds. The people I read and talk to, the people who teach me, advise me, make me think, make me laugh and on occasion cause my eyes to leak a bit at their beautiful and deep compassion.
2. There is no 2.
Seriously, you fuckers make a real difference. Thank fuck I met you, the past year would’ve been lonely and foggy without you.
Apart from that, today I’m saying fuck gratitude. The past two days’ comments have already given me so much help in my time of perplexed irritation, they’re a mixture of everything I love about my friends. I can’t deal with shit like choosing the best comment, the most helpful one, the prettiest one or whatever, so I chose the most divinely freely truly pissed off ones. There happen to be three, I didn’t pick a particular number. By the end of reading them, I was rattling spears, sabres and cages – I was more than ready to ride into battle screaming. Two of the three suggested alternative lists; beep suggested an ingratitude list and William came up with the pat on the back list. I wanted to post using all three headers today, but I fell asleep instead. Mmmm naps…
Oh, piss on that fucking list! If you’ve really gotta do it, do another on the side for your own peace of mind: an ungrateful list. Go on; make them both, side by side. There’s nothing worse than struggling to be grateful when you’re not there. You can list items up to the fucking moon and just feel all the worse for it. So get it out! Be petty and whiny and all the shit you don’t want to be. I think that crap has to be leeched out. You can’t cover up a pile of shit with a piece of lace and then proclaim it to be pretty and ‘nice’. You’ve just got to clean that shit up.
I would normally say be grateful to yourself for your sense of humour, but I can see this exercise is grinding it down. What was the purpose of this experiment, did she tell you?
I have a theory about gratitude, and that is that the word is way overused and misunderstood.
I am grateful for nothing that is not an active action by someone else for MY benefit (or my children’s, or my friends’, or someone I care about). That is usually quite rare. I have many opportunities to be grateful, but every day? Not so sure. So, having you compile a list every day, I wonder, is she trying to wind you up, make you rage? It makes me rage a little on your behalf, I hope you don’t mind.
The way I see your list:
A beautiful sunrise: nobody GAVE that to you, in fact you gave that to yourself by being up to see it. That should really go on a “pat myself on the back” list.
Happy dogs: Of course the dog is happy, out for walks with you. He/she is not happy for your sake, he just is, because he loves you and loves walking with you. You could say you’re grateful that your friend chose you to look after her dog, perhaps. On the other hand you are doing her a favour too. Also, she is taking the dog back and you will be missing him/her (sorry, I forget). That might be causing a lot of sneaky pain in there. So perhaps the dog is a source of sneaky pain in the making rather than a cause for joy. In which case you can’t be grateful about that. You ought to be cautious and perhaps start preparing/make arrangements/get a dog all for yourself? (will you, by the way?)
An interesting walk: Nobody gave you that. You gave yourself that. Pat on the back list for this one too.
Two cups of coffee. You could be grateful to the coffee company for making good coffee. Depending on the brand they are making tons of money at other people’s expense at which case you really don’t need to be grateful for it, and they didn’t make it for you anyway. YOU made the coffee for yourself. Another for the “pat on the back list.”
So, it seems to me unless something else has happened that you have not mentioned, there is nothing to put on that gratitude list for that day. And it’s ok! It is quite normal that there are only a few opportunities in life when one is appropriately grateful to someone! If you’re isolated, of course, there will be less opportunities to be grateful to someone else. But plenty, infinite for patting yourself on the back.
Whoever fucking writes another article praising bipolar as some awesome thing will be slapped with a barbed wire dildo, repeatedly. I hate this damn thing to infinity and beyond.
So fuck you, gratitude turned into idgaf, gratitude. *airpunch* Let me share with you my cultural background and the gratitude attitude of the day; I’m taking you back to 1990 *wistful music and misty fade in* when the world contained Kurt Cobain, wounded dreams and a 20yr old blah. Take it away, Bob… (watch out for his facial expression the first time the riverdancers bounce in)
Na Na nananana nanananananananana na na nananana I DON’T MIND AT ALL