and on the third day she woes again

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I’m not going to devote entire posts to grrratitude lists every damn day, just till my spleen is clear of the concept. Despite my antipathy to 90% of this whole process, it’s been a surprisingly interesting couple of days so far. I really am grateful to you for the comments – they’ve soothed me and inspired me (don’t stop!), well I’m grateful for you guys every day, you’re on the permanent g-list. Today you are the fucking g-list; the a-list of the g-list.

Gratitude list:
1. My tribe – the people I share this space with, this meeting of minds and wounds. The people I read and talk to, the people who teach me, advise me, make me think, make me laugh and on occasion cause my eyes to leak a bit at their beautiful and deep compassion.
2. There is no 2.

Seriously, you fuckers make a real difference. Thank fuck I met you, the past year would’ve been lonely and foggy without you.

Apart from that, today I’m saying fuck gratitude. The past two days’ comments have already given me so much help in my time of perplexed irritation, they’re a mixture of everything I love about my friends. I can’t deal with shit like choosing the best comment, the most helpful one, the prettiest one or whatever, so I chose the most divinely freely truly pissed off ones. There happen to be three, I didn’t pick a particular number. By the end of reading them, I was rattling spears, sabres and cages – I was more than ready to ride into battle screaming. Two of the three suggested alternative lists; beep suggested an ingratitude list and William came up with the pat on the back list. I wanted to post using all three headers today, but I fell asleep instead. Mmmm naps…

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Beep:

Oh, piss on that fucking list! If you’ve really gotta do it, do another on the side for your own peace of mind: an ungrateful list. Go on; make them both, side by side. There’s nothing worse than struggling to be grateful when you’re not there. You can list items up to the fucking moon and just feel all the worse for it. So get it out! Be petty and whiny and all the shit you don’t want to be. I think that crap has to be leeched out. You can’t cover up a pile of shit with a piece of lace and then proclaim it to be pretty and ‘nice’. You’ve just got to clean that shit up.

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William:

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I would normally say be grateful to yourself for your sense of humour, but I can see this exercise is grinding it down. What was the purpose of this experiment, did she tell you?

I have a theory about gratitude, and that is that the word is way overused and misunderstood.

I am grateful for nothing that is not an active action by someone else for MY benefit (or my children’s, or my friends’, or someone I care about). That is usually quite rare. I have many opportunities to be grateful, but every day? Not so sure. So, having you compile a list every day, I wonder, is she trying to wind you up, make you rage? It makes me rage a little on your behalf, I hope you don’t mind.

The way I see your list:

A beautiful sunrise: nobody GAVE that to you, in fact you gave that to yourself by being up to see it. That should really go on a “pat myself on the back” list.

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Happy dogs: Of course the dog is happy, out for walks with you. He/she is not happy for your sake, he just is, because he loves you and loves walking with you. You could say you’re grateful that your friend chose you to look after her dog, perhaps. On the other hand you are doing her a favour too. Also, she is taking the dog back and you will be missing him/her (sorry, I forget). That might be causing a lot of sneaky pain in there. So perhaps the dog is a source of sneaky pain in the making rather than a cause for joy. In which case you can’t be grateful about that. You ought to be cautious and perhaps start preparing/make arrangements/get a dog all for yourself? (will you, by the way?)

An interesting walk: Nobody gave you that. You gave yourself that. Pat on the back list for this one too.

Two cups of coffee. You could be grateful to the coffee company for making good coffee. Depending on the brand they are making tons of money at other people’s expense at which case you really don’t need to be grateful for it, and they didn’t make it for you anyway. YOU made the coffee for yourself. Another for the “pat on the back list.”

So, it seems to me unless something else has happened that you have not mentioned, there is nothing to put on that gratitude list for that day. And it’s ok! It is quite normal that there are only a few opportunities in life when one is appropriately grateful to someone! If you’re isolated, of course, there will be less opportunities to be grateful to someone else. But plenty, infinite for patting yourself on the back.

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Zoe:

Whoever fucking writes another article praising bipolar as some awesome thing will be slapped with a barbed wire dildo, repeatedly. I hate this damn thing to infinity and beyond.

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So fuck you, gratitude turned into idgaf, gratitude. *airpunch* Let me share with you my cultural background and the gratitude attitude of the day; I’m taking you back to 1990 *wistful music and misty fade in* when the world contained Kurt Cobain, wounded dreams and a 20yr old blah. Take it away, Bob… (watch out for his facial expression the first time the riverdancers bounce in)

Na Na nananana nanananananananana na na nananana I DON’T MIND AT ALL

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Published by

blahpolar

battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

69 thoughts on “and on the third day she woes again”

  1. I think the whole thing is a shitfest of stupidity. We are who we are because our cross wired brains make us different. There are very few days I’m grateful for this shitty hand of cards I’ve been dealt. I’m an awesome bluffer-I think we all have to be to get through this shit.

    Woe as much as you want/need. It’s your life you have to live, not the fucking happy shiny therapist with this mindfulness will change you bullshit. Fuckitall.

    As Bruno Mars sings “You’re amazing just the way you are”

    Liked by 4 people

          1. We should haunt the therapists. We would be all like……Woooooooo Ohhhhhh Woooooo We are ghosts ..whooooo..what are you grateful for?….whooooo…..what the fuck are you therapsists grateful for? ….name 10 things right now or we will keep haunting your ass all night,……wooooo….you can see what it feels like to go on three hours a sleep a night….keep waking up every few hours……woooo…become sleep deprived…..whooooo….and the have someone ask you to write down what the fuck are you grateful for ….wooooo

            Liked by 2 people

            1. Therapists be all oh I’m so grateful that I’m a therapist, what a great job, what an easy job, what great money and I didn’t even have to get a degree in medicine and I get to tell errbody to be grateful.

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  2. You made me smile! You have such a quick wit, and an amazing sense of humour! I love it. Gratitude? Whats that? lol. Its like that saying, i’m not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm instead? rofl. XX

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This is a fucking awesome post and I write with Bob Geldof still in my headphones and I want to dance the Irish dance. Nananananananananana I don’t mind at aaaall…! :D

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I remain grateful that you’re global arbiter of taste and the United Nations provides you with a plush sinecure and militarized command post. It would be such a shitty world otherwise…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I LOVE your no-nonsense rip their heads off and shit down their necks attitude. And I’m very honored for the ping and mention. I honestly feel a little guilty for encouraging you to rage rather than seek the end of that rainbow to pull out of your ass. But Blah, your posts keep me going some days so please don’t stop.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, the comments were overwhelmingly anti gratitude lists, which was a relief. I’m hoping there aren’t any rainbows up my ass though, because where there are rainbows, unicorns are sure to follow and nobody wants one of them up their ass. Wait. I’m sure there are people who do, not me though. And thank you beep, for the compliment and for being there for me too.

      Liked by 1 person

          1. Bwahahaha! Actually, all I could concentrate on was how extremely uncomfortable the sensation of having a unicorn up your ass would be. And trust me, in my head NO ONE has as big an ass as I do. ;)

            Liked by 1 person

  6. I love when I read something (William’s reframe of why to be grateful) and it makes me realize that I would have never thought that way if I hadn’t read it. Yes, give yourself several pats on the back for even having something to be grateful for!!! Getting up, writing, walking, sipping coffee LoL it’s all good because it has to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too, it was a revelation and a relief. I was plodding along the beach this morning, pondering things to be grateful for through the lens of the William theory. Now my back hurts.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You popped a Sixpence None The Richer song in my head, it’s my new companion and earworm for the day, thanks. https://youtu.be/tMfXeuv4kZE except it’s going, “There, she, woes!” So yeah. Sure. Thanks. I’ll have to listen to Led Zeppelin’s “The Ocean Song” to get it out. Or maybe these other songs you’ve offered. Still love you, but… Oh and certain people tell me to “count your blessings” or whateverthefuck. Sure, that distracts me until the next distraction grabs me by the ADD, or until the next thing in my life falls apart and I have to try to or afford to fix it or accept the destructible nature of all things in life. Or until.. hey look, a squirrel! “There, she, woes!” Grumblegrumblegrumble. Still love you though.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Always liked that song, and thanks so much for the earworm, I need a new roll of mental floss now. And ja, ADHD here and so I totally hear you re the distractions. Theeeeeere she woes, there she woes again…. Eh fuckit, send me one of those squirrels.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I was working on my gratitude list today, too. Or it’s supposed to be a journal, rather. After putting a handful of things down (like family, friends, home), I felt like such an asshole–I’m supposed to make a journal of this and I only come up with 6 things?!

    And I so love “grrrattitude”–you’re awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. He really was spicy….remember him in “The Fly”? I do! He was sans clothing, covered with sweat and buff. Woo hoo! Not my type, but he was fly-catching, I mean eye-catching!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I just made Craig, Avonlea, Marilla and Lucy watch the Jeff Goldblum Mix clip – I was by far the biggest fan.

    Lucy gets honorable mention as she panted quite heavily when Jeff, in his sexy pleather jacket, smirked “big on dinosaurs?” twenty times. I especially appreciated the cheesy Jurassic Park soundtrack music woven artfully into the mix.

    All I know for sure is that I have the best taste in this family.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Bah, you probably won’t like my latest post…I’ll show myself out…but this was a good read!

    By the way, you’ve been chosen as one of today’s nine blogs in That’s So Jacob’s Ninth Month Blog Challenge (http://www.thatssojacob.wordpress.com)! I challenge you to find nine blogs you find interesting and give them a comment to brighten their day…well, eight other blogs and mine :) Copy this message in your comment and enjoy your new blog friends!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. So muck Tank Grrrrl… good times. I wish I had a kangaroo sidekick for my non-adventures. I would get even less done than I already do. The heavy artillery would be nice though.
    Also stay away from the “talk” page on Wikipedia’s Hypomania article. That shit is as brainwashed as anything about how amazing hypomania allegedly is.
    We all know how it ends. Except some people don’t, apparently.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I used to have two different friends who did this years before I ever went near a doctor, and their self diagnosis and faking it behaviour actually slowed me down in getting help because the way they were making themselves out to be made me think I was “normal.” Why would anyone fake bipolar? Dear sweet Mary on a candle why?? I finally worked out that one was on drugs and was covering up drugs highs with “mania” (which abruptly stopped when she went off coke and mdma for a while) and the other wanted disability money so she could stay home with her boyfriend and listen to Emilie Autumn and after thorough assessment settled for a depression label. So for a while now, I have had no friends IRL because I don’t answer the phone to one and the other never calls.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Fuck, that’s hectic mate. And you need at least one friend. I’m glad you have your very cool wabbits though. Consider me an online friend though, okay? And if you want one to one contact, you know how to get hold of me.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thanks, I appreciate it, and please consider me an online friend too (although I’m not really sure why anyone would want me as a friend I’m a bit crap), although it sounds like you have a lot on your plate anyway. I like online friends, specifically because of all the not judging if I show up to stuff in my dressing gown. I had more friends before Facebook killed the online Forums around the internet (kindalike video killed the radio star), we met irl and stuff, it was great. I do get human contact with other people though so it’s not all terrible, and my husband has this tendency to make friends with really great people, and it’s easy to be around him because he’s quite happy to let me objectify other people without getting all offended or jealous or whatever. And with the girl who was on serious drugs (I want to draw frowny faces on my meds packet now), it got all unrequieted and whatnot which was just really awkward and painful when she turned out to be a different person after 9 years (and while I’ve stayed in touch with her now-ex-boyfriend, it’s just really difficult every time he mentions her because he has no idea how I felt about her). Argh shit gets complicated. The buns are currently hiding upstairs because I threatened to take their photos. One of them hates cameras. He always knows if there’s one around.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I’m crap myself. Well, I consider myself a good friend who is prone to vanishing into her own moods. You should do it, add the frowns to your meds. It’d be all cool and symbolic – I wanna see it, if you do.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Hey me too! We should like, hang out on the internet or something. I will post if the frowny serious meds are serious modifications happen and link you to it. Although you could do it too if you’ve got any plain packaged meds. Words. I just derailed myself into an angry rant about teaching during a post about shit and now I gotta go write my non-blog quota before I have to declare bankruptcy. I’m such a muppet.

                Like

  12. Made my day to see Bob Geldhof. Who’s name I forgot how to spell in the 2 minutes it took to get here to write it. WTF??!! Any therapists I’ve had only wanted me to write a journal of “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Ummm……. Jail, Asylum, Dead, Homeless, Prostitute (if I lose weight), shall I continue because this isn’t career day you moron!!! Did you READ my file? If these so called Therapists and Doctors actually read your history what a different world it would be. Less humiliation, dehumanizing, and being treated like your a 5 year old who still eats boogers. Not that there is anything wrong with that in case any 5 year olds are reading. You’ll grow out of it, I promise.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The 5 year plan is brilliant, well, you said it brilliantly amusingly would be a more accurate comment. And if there are any five yer old s reading this, GET YOUR FINGER OUT OF YOUR NOSE AND GO TO SLEEP, YOU PRECOCIOUS LITTLE SHIT!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Those were brilliant comments! I’ll draw inspiration from them as well, if nobody minds :)

    I am still pretty grateful, though. I mean… the probability of bumping into so many strangers of this quality all those years back on the Net is pretty low. But it happened and I’m so grateful for it because the number of times you and others dragged me up is quite high. So I’m grateful for Al Gore who, as we all know, invented the Internet!

    Liked by 1 person

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