once upon an annus

I said ANNUS you perverts, not anus. Can’t take you lot anywhere.

Blahpolar Diaries is a year old today, which means it’s wearing a onesie, disturbing my sleep and shitting its nappies round the clock. It also means I get to go all Sally Fields on your asses and make a gratuitously gushing speech, name drop and create that emotional single tear. Yup, one year one tear. One love. One heart. Let’s get together and feel alright.

*fans face like a starlet, grabs trophy from Kristin Scott Thomas* Oh! This is so punexpected! I don’t know what to say, but I’m going to spew words for two weeks anyway! First I’d like to thank Odin Allfather, without Whom none of this would be possible *gazes at ceiling, enthralled* thank You! Thank you Sean Penn for your direction and the cupcakes, thank you Johnny Depp for being my stunt double, thank you Portia and Ellen for all your support and friendship! I’m sorry, Ellen, it only happened once. A big hand please for the Cirque du Soleil for all the good times and Eddie Vedder (you know why, Ed). Finally, of course, merci Gandalf, I just wouldn’t be me if there wasn’t a you. Oops! Thanks to all the little people, for keeping things going so beautifully, not to mention cleaning the ashtrays. Oh fuck. Stephen Fry, you absolute sweetie, thank you for whatever it is you did, I forget. *looks around feet at all the dropped names, dashes away the single tear, one hand dramatically to breast throws some unused exclamation marks to the crowd and then begins the walk of fame back into the audience*

Erm, yes… Enough bollocks for now, blah. Thank you guys, for being my friends and support network and fellow travellers on the double decker suck bus™. 780 followers and 44k hits, haven’t you got anything better to do? #humblebrag. May the sporks be with you.


As you were, kids.

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battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

59 thoughts on “once upon an annus”

  1. Happy one year anniversary! I’m happy you were born and even happier that I got to meet you on the freaking bus. Here’s to more years, hopefully sprinkled with better times, and if not STRONGS (teehee) because it’s a hella bumpy road and these double decks are dangerous.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am NOT a pervert but I did, at first, think it said “anus” simply because I watched Human Centipede 1 and 2 this week so it’s kind of expected.
    I bow down to your excellence. My blog has existed four years and has way less followers. I also shun social media so it’s my own fault.
    I am far too busy creating mythical animal hybrids to be bothered with social media, my ego will just have to wither.
    And “may the spork be with you” is MINE. Punitive damages, dude. Gives me royalties so I can start work on my latest hybrid, the camelraffe. Pegacorns may flies the femmes/butches together, but those camelraffes are gonna lead the way with their long necks and ability to pack all our stuff.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I have important questions. Do cameraffes have wings? I can’t say may the sporks be with you? *cries a bit* Have you ever looked at a medieval bestiary? I imagine your mythybrids in that sort of style. Very cool.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know, right? I have ideas but i can’t even draw stick people. I’d love to be able to bring these creatures to life by drawing them.
        Sass can have the isporkacorn. I don’t want any part of being sued by Apple.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. It’d be fun to see them illustrated *COUGH MAYBE ZOE WILL DO IT NEXT MANIA COUGH* It’d be cool if you did a written bestiary *IT MIGHT INSPIRE PEOPLE TO ILLUSTRATE IT* Okay I’m done talking in fucking caps lock. I’ll get the snacks in for the Apple vs Sass court case.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Kristen Scott Thomas in her white dress in The English Patient basically keeps me alive, thanks for the shout out!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I liked her best in an English TV series – no clue what it was called. She wore a tux and leered at the maid. 20s sort of a vibe I think.


  4. Happy anniversary! I celebrated by taking a cab to Urgent Care because my leg is swelling. Tomorrow it will be a $45 cab ride to the far side of town for an ultrasound at 8:30 AM. Feeling honoured yet? I will tell you, taking you out for lunch for your (almost) real birthday was much more fun!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. happy blah-g-iversary, hot stuff Hey, I was referring to the dragon, people. I can’t express what you mean to me. It wouldn’t be allowed. Thanks for being amazing. Puns and fun and talent and brilliance all rolled into one.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I just had a vision of someone “performing” your thank -you speech (with feeling!) on YouTube. Maybe a puppet of some kind to represent the Great OzPolar!

    Do you think that this is a side effect of the Seroquel?

    Liked by 1 person

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