everything but the kitchen sink

While cheerfully (yes, cheerfully ffs) washing up this morning, it hit me. I’m hypomanic. You know how sometimes it’s hard to see what episode you’re in? As I stood there enjoying the warm water (ffs) and the clean crockery (ffs), I had a hypopiphany, which may or may not be accurate (fucknose, my bright hyporevelations are not to be trusted). Anyroad up, I worked out a bipolar episode diagnostic scale.

I imagine that people who are experiencing euthymia, coinciding with a sink full of dishes, react to the matter in a calm, prosaic way. They might groan a bit, but they just wash the dishes and then proceed with their lives. Something like this…

Euthymic – I’ll just do the dishes, brb.

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Nope, but let me know if you locate a porpoise.

And then there’s the manic depressive experience…

Depressed – Oh god I need to wash the dishes. I can’t do it. I’m such a failure.
Anhedonic – Whatever.
Mixed episode – Fuck the fucking dishes, I resent housework grrrr.
Hypomanic – Yasss I wash the fuck outa those dishes quickquick.
Manic – What dishes, who cares? It’s time to partaaaaayyy!!
Psychotic – wow, talking dishes,

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I walked the dogs extra far on the beach at sunrise, my laundry is hanging out in the sun, I was nice to the poison pygmy next door – I even gave her one of my baby guava trees. Ffs. I’m sitting down with a filter coffee, a smoke and my snuggly dog (fast asleep after running like a wild thing on the beach) and I’m chilling the hell out to avoid ascending to mania. So there’s that.

I think (hope) that the bipolar episode diagnostic scale™ might also be useful in working out where I crash/land/crash land after hypomania asap. Taking the BEDS™ (lol) notion a little further, the diagnostics might be more accurate if the condition of the crockery etc in and around the sink were factored in too. No wait, that’s bs, it’d just be:

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Depressed – full sink.
Anhedonic – full sink.
Mixed episode – full sink.
Hypomanic – empty, shiny sink, or blahpolar rolling up her sleeves with a gleam in her eyes.
Manic – full sink.
Psychotic – wow, that is one chatty sink.

As far as my own personal manic depressive episodes go, the couch scale could be of some use (crap acronym though):

Depressed – miserable blahpolar under a blanket.
Anhedonic – seated zombie, with a thousand yard stare.
Mixed episode – blahpolar either sitting slightly forward with clenched fists, jaw and any other clenchable* body parts, or walking angrily along the beach, praying for a storm.
Hypomanic – blahpolar engaged in housework, gardening, walking etc.
Manic – empty couch, empty house and the subtle sound of dust settling.
Psychotic – wow, the couch can talk too.

Daww-happy-lovebird-takes-a-bath-in-the-kitchen-sink-ImgurI suspect that people in a euthymic state utilise couches, while people like me form relationships with them. I guess I interact unnecessarily emotionally with banal things. I guess my priorities are screwed. I guess being unconventional can be pretty cool, when it’s not causing agony. I guess.

Okay, I’m down a notch – the more I write, the more my headspace relaxes. I’m glad I’m not feeling that frayed edge focus thing anyway. And I suppose it’s just as well there aren’t any women around to ravish. I’m gonna stop writing before I raid the alphabet for cool acronyms and inventing more diagnostic tools. Ffs.

I even washed the ashtrays.

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*not a real word, probably a sign of the general logorrhoea, circumstantial and tangential speech and all their friends (below) that are very familiar to me.

Word salad. (Schizophasia) A jumble of words that are not apparently linked and may be hard to understand. Philosopher Noam Chomsky is well known for his studies in language and cognitive science; his famous grammatically correct example of word salad is “Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.”
Disorganization. Jumping from one idea to another without transition.
Neologism. Making up words that have no meaning to anyone but the speaker.
Echolalia. Repeating others’ words or phrases.
Flight of ideas: (in psychiatry) a continuous stream of talk in which the patient switches rapidly from one topic to another and each subject is incoherent and unrelated to the preceding one or is stimulated by some environmental circumstance. The condition is frequently a symptom of acute manic states and schizophrenia.
(Mosby’s Medical Dictionary, 8th edition. © 2009, Elsevier.)

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blahpolar

battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

33 thoughts on “everything but the kitchen sink”

  1. “hypopiphany” that is just… I can’t say… I CAN say. I get those A LOT! And know, I has a word for them! Thank u xx
    I will just ignore the fact that you live somewhere where you can run dog on the beach for a large distance. Green envy is not a healthy feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well now, there are freaking awesome places to run dogs where you are – admittedly not long stretches of beach, but still.

      Got an EBTG earworm yet?

      Like

      1. Oh yeah Thanks, so because I have upgraded to Windows 10 now my audio doesn’t work so I’ve had “And I miss you like the desert ” in my head for the afternoon alternating with my daughter’s Minecraft videos instead of being able to search for More Songs!
        And yes I am not complaining I really really really love it here, but you know “want what you can’t have” and so on, I haven’t been to a proper sea for way too long.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Flamborough Head! I mean, I know it’s not a beach, but.. Puffins. And you can take your dog in, they’re just not allowed to go where the nests are.

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          1. I ran to look it up… It’s far from here, closer to where we used to live awhile back… We’re going to have to settle for fish and chips at Matlock, it comes highly recommended :)

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha. Yes to all that! Could you also do a diagnostic test for us (we?) smokers. (For instance, mixed states or dysphoric manias are, for me at least, synonymous with furious hunched forward chain-smoking.) But yes perfect! And re: the infamous Flight of Ideas. Gets a bad rap, no? What would a psychiatrist make of Finnegan’s Wake? Find it unreadable myself, but certainly it adheres to an inner logic. True, incoherence can be plain old batshit incoherence, but I wish the DSM would add, as a caveat, “sometimes associatively brilliant beyond our pedestrian intellects.”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well hell, that last phrase of yours just rocked my socks right off. Smoking…. My scale would go
      Smokes
      Smokes a lot
      Smokes frantically
      Chain smokes frantically
      I don’t even know which episodes to assign to it all. Maybe just – smokes less when “happy”.

      I’d be fucked without clang associations etc, I’d have to shut up. Please don’t tell anyone I know irl.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Mixed episode – blahpolar either sitting slightly forward with clenched fists, jaw and any other clenchable* body parts, or walking angrily along the beach, praying for a storm.

    If the above is accurate, then today’s “mixed,” but it sure feel fucking depressed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, mixed can contain depression eh :/ right now I’m sitting back, one leg stimming and my jaw clenched. I’m glad I did the kitchen sink thing earlier. Hope the depression eases up soon.

      Like

  4. That’s actually handy info to people that interact with you. And it helps with self-awareness. I should do something for my depression.
    Feeling good and relaxed: no worries, cars, this train will pass soon and we will all continue with our drives….
    Feeling good and stressed: ffs what does this train crossing have to be on my way to work, I’m gonna be late.
    Feeling neutral: huh, that’s a lot of steel moving very fast. i wonder…
    Feeling bad: imagining standing on the tracks waiting for the train, imagining so intensively that the cars behind me start to honk.
    Feeling really bad: visiting the crossing on a day off, on foot, making a checklist in my head.
    I’m actually above neutral now but I sure remember being below.
    I have same things with heights.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Grrrr….. Bloody well make sure you message me when you’re neutral or below. Or I’ll… I’ll… Idk I’ll have a word with Perun or something xD Hit me up or leave me a msg sometime soon, about what your treatment consists of now and what plans you got (generally just let me know what’s in your recovery toolkit – I hear you keep it under your top hat).

      Like

      1. Will do, don’t worry :) Will have an appointment next week. We will probably thinking about wrapping it up. Right now the treatment that I feel is working best is my daily workout routine. That endorphine kick is perhaps what was needed. It’s been a year since my last serious episode so that’s pretty good :)

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I love the little yellow bird drinking at the sink :)
    Much less scary than the dragon or the picture.
    I am going to snuggle my stuffed sheep and try to get another hour of sleep now.
    Ending on the post with the yellow bird is good. I think I read your posts in some wacky out of order way but this is where I sleep now.
    Good night…morning…no it is 12:45 pm says my phone..
    Annie<3

    Liked by 1 person

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