butch eye for the gender divide

Move over, queer eye for the straight guy.

(scheduled post)

butchI’ve noticed, over the years, that I seem to be able to explain men to women and women to men to some extent. I don’t think it’s necessarily a butch, or even a queer thing, but “inclusive of all humans’ eye for the gender divide” just doesn’t make for a catchy title. Butch women, femme men and trans* people are often assumed to be the ones who understand gender best; sometimes that’s true and sometimes not.

It boils down to very few words at all, to whit (and possibly even to woo):
Women – men don’t read subtlety the way you do. Clear requests work better than dropping hints.
Men – as easy to read as you are, women don’t understand you. What you perceive as a hint, is actually a firm demand.

There we go, I’ve managed to stereotype binary genders. Go me. The disclaimer is that not everyone is like that at all. The truth is that society has done such a brilliant job of conditioning humanity, that there are more people like that than not. And *kicks warriors’ asses hard* nobody bloody well needs liberating, just educating.

Here is the PhD version:
Gender is a spectrum, not a binary.
People should be able to be whoever and whatever they choose.
Stop getting uptight about it all and don’t use any of it as an excuse to treat anybody like shit.
All of the above includes people all along the spectrum, including the current binary options.

Education causes informed choices. Simple.

What we all want, I think, is to be seen – really seen. That acknowledgement is about as much understanding as one human being can have for another, and it’s enough. Beautifully, securely and fascinatingly enough.

No hate, motherfuckers.


Published by


battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

31 thoughts on “butch eye for the gender divide”

  1. I’m not hating but I have noticed a very significant glitch between male brains and female brains. Again, not the exception but since I was forced once upon a time ago (by the unnamed…Oh, R-sole) to read Men Are Mars, Women Are From Venus (he even quizzed me on it)…That book is basically a get out of jail for being a male pig card but it had a bit of validity. Like men want to fix problems so if you talk to them and expect them just listen, you’re going to be mad. And women like to talk things out whereas a man talks, he’s obviously wanting someone to spitball a solution.
    I’m loathe to dismiss everything as some sort of primordial ooze programming exclusive to gender, but it does seems scientific that all brains seem to function differently, but the similarities in problem solving seem pattern specific to genders.

    I am also on Latuda and quite possibly going insane or at least it feels like it and it’s not my fecking favorite.

    Think I shall just go Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure on the matter: “Be excellent to each other and shuddup.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I actually agree with you – when talking about people at the clear “male” and “female” ends of the spectrum; I mean, there have to be *some* distinguishing traits. And then someone like me, who very definitely doesn’t conform to one or the other, a different mix of similar stuff would apply. And all of it always subject to shifts and changes at no moments notice at all :)

      We’re all just human. Except R-sole.


  2. Not sure if I have an inside track on either gender, but having existed unseen and undetected on both sides of the gender equation I will say that there is a huge amount of dismissal of men by women and women by men that generally impedes the understanding of anyone else ever. God only knows how we have managed to make it this far as a species. Must be that the urge to reproduce is stronger than the urge to understand the other over a cup of coffee or tea.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Was gender dysphoria always a thing for you (whether or not you acknowledged it), we’re you ever satisfied/happy with being your physical gender? I have friends on either side of that question; I find it very interesting.


      1. It did not occur to me that the physical gender could be changed, I thought that my inability to feel “female” was either my failure to try hard enough or understand how to do that, or something that could be altered if I had a pretty name, long hair, slimmer ankles. Weird thoughts because other people saw an attractive female, I felt it as a role I was forced into. Not being a tomboy or attracted to girls (being rather that femmy queer boy inside) I really could not sort out the situation. I don’t think I would have been so lost today now that gender identity is more commonly discussed.

        On a side note, in Ontario there is controversy over a proposed change to sex ed which would introduce the notion of gender identity at grade three (age 8). Parents opposed say that is too early. Bullshit. That would have been a relief to me. And my daughter who has turned out fine was 8 when I started transition. Needless to say the fact that the Premier of the province is a lesbian is being trotted out as proof of the “gay agenda”!

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I enjoyed that. Sadly, I look at my own relationships with men and women and I was / am clueless. I look at others and I see exactly whats happening… I am direct by nature, and blind by conditioning :)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Beftgd has left me quite bereft. Communication in general is challenging enough. Add a full spectrum of gendered communication to the BBQ and the meal itself changes. People are so full of shit because they think they can cook better than everyone else. They don’t understand what other people are eating.

    Who fucking cares if I like veggie dogs and you like waffles with maple syrup?

    What does suck is feeling like an outlier, different…no one wants that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How did you know I like waffles with maple syrup?? *looks for bugs and hidden cameras* Every day I’m waffling… On a more sensible note, I agree with you. The outlier thing – I agree that it’s shitty to feel excluded, but I think it’s maybe better to be out of the mainstream. It’s not good to be lonely though, so I suspect the thing to do, is stick to/with people who “get” you.


  5. Reblogged this on Dear Billy…. and commented:
    I just love, love, love it when someone can sum up millions of clumsy words of mine into something short, to the point, and actually pleasant to read :)


  6. Amen to “No Hate, motherfuckers! ”

    People who have nothing better to do that alienate and spread hate are shallow and at the lowest end of the enlightenment spectrum.

    Love and peace,

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Well, I think you’re beautiful. Who gives a shit what anyone else says? Critics, fuck off. Does my education contribute to my *correct* perception? ;-) I just think we all could do with a little bit better communication and care, and not all the “You’re wrong and I’m right” bullshit, whereupon nobody is listening to anybody else. Trust me, in the last five years I’ve come a very fucking long way. You’re probably right and I’m most likely wrong, and where I’m wrong help me to just listen and learn. ::sits gazing into your lovely eyes, waiting to hear::

    Liked by 1 person

  8. …and fuck yeah, waffles and real, grade A maple syrup, not that high fructose corn syrup and flavoring added shit! I usually don’t eat breakfast unless it’s Saturday, when I like a metric ton of food on the table-and can I cook? hell, yeah! I like my waffles from scratch, not those crappy frozen toaster waffles. I like scrambles, or over-easy eggs. I also like a little pepper, sage, garlic and fennel in my pork sausage. A “full breakfast” is lovely(, hold the “black pudding,” please). If I’m really in a whim, some orange juice and vodka to accompany my black coffee. Breakfast for dinner, anyone? Damn! I think I love you. What will my wife say? I’m sure I know: She’ll say, yes to sharing breakfast, no to sharing me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I prefer the breakfast on Sunday, or for dinner any day of the week. I don’t mind black pudding as long as it’s cooked to a charcoal consistency. Good to know about your wife’s answer there, I shall tread very carefully indeed. You nutcase :)

      Liked by 1 person

  9. You know, before I got to know you (and the rest of the online circle) I was so ignorant on these issues. You might not have raised me as a kid but you certainly raised me as an adult.

    Liked by 1 person

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