a-z challenge: j

One letter, one broad concept, three words. J is for jester, joker and jongleur and I claim all three, although I conform only slightly to them (I am also not Batman’s nemesis). My biggest departure from the dictionary definitions is that I don’t do it in public, or for money.


I have a sense if humour that’s fairly British, but not entirely. It ranges from fuckwitted to intelligent and I blame all of my (too many) bad puns on my dog. I can improvise rhymes and lyrics at the drop of a hat. I’m an introvert, I can only be successfully social when I’m revved right up; I use humour as a smokescreen I throw on like a cloak (whoa double simile there) and afterwards I’m exhausted and ideally need solitude for rather a long time , to recharge and recover. The jester is deathly scared of almost everything and so out it comes, bells jingling, happy to look foolish as long as the laughter is not unkind. And it dances and capers as fast as it possibly can and talks and talks and talks and jokes and puns and pulls funny faces and sucks up all if the spotlights and limelights. Later, possibly after impulsiveness has dragged it all over the freaking place, the life and soul walks quietly home, indulging in those clichéd tears of clowns. I love and loathe the jester and all its jolly japes.


Being funny can get you liked and loved and laid. I do not add words like dry, sarcastic, gallows etc to my sense of humour. It just is what it is until it isn’t, and on the occasions when I’ve lost it, I feel desolate. Humour has been a damn fine and defensive crutch for me forever. It has caused people to call me crazy, odd, eccentric, mad, insane all if my life and I loved that – until I was psychotic, sick, sore, depressed, too revved. Then those labels just hurt like fuck and didn’t stop. Now I own the label bipolar and people assume it’s yet another way of saying she’s off her fucking trolley. The type of manic depressive celebs and artists that make the most sense to me are comedians, because when they do a show while manic, all I see is agony. Watch somebody go through the emotional motions of a small child – calm, happy, confident, revved, overwrought, tantrum, tears – that’s me, when mania or mixed episodes are around. You know when a kid gets to that inconsolable stage, where you cannot reach them at all? The one usually resolved either by go to your room or hop into bed and I’ll tell you a story? That. Not a choice and not fun either.

Thank goodness for the jester, the ability to make others laugh, to comfort or distract them, to raise spirits and make magic. Fuck the jester and the illusions and the loneliness. Balloons in two flavours, helium and lead.

Another word for jester is fool, and fools are always fools, but not always foolish.

Images used:
Cirque du Soleil
Norman Rockwell


Published by


battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

42 thoughts on “a-z challenge: j”

  1. I love this. Laughter is “the best medicine”. When not deeply depressed ( that’s when I’m completely humourless), I keep my door wide open for humour to come in to my days; a big deal for a miserable, antisocial bitch like me ;)

    Your observations re mania and humour are spot on. You see agony when someone is manic and being the jester. I know someone who is manic everyday. She loves to play jester but is often seen as The Fool.

    It’s painful to watch how others brand her ” off-her-rocker” with their facial expressions and body language. I’m a fellow bipolar so I have compassion for her but whichever way the Fair trade chocolate chip cookie crumbles, mania is always going to end up looking at the sign on the road that reads: “Fucking exhausted. Wanna be Sleeping Beauty minus the prince waking me up; because if he does I’ll have to punch him in the face.”

    Enjoyed J vmuchly

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyoudankienkosingiyabonga! It must be kak to be permanently manic, jeeeeez … poor her. Love the mania roadsign – do depressed, mixed and psychotic ones too? You get called crazy ever? I know people ‘reclaim’ that sorta word, but I can’t – I get very mislik about it. :( LOL who calls you a miserable bitch? Or is it just you who does that? Jaja keep the humour catflap open china.

      O_o did you understand any of that?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It was a little British/Afrikaansic/Bipolar Brilliant-mind-ish/and or Norwegian…lol…yes i gotcha…I’m cool like that ;)
        I absolutely call myself a “miserable bitch” because people don’t usually see that side of me. I want to make no mistake about her existence. She’s there. Crazy? Depends on who’s pointing the finger. My brother called me a whackjob last year. Can’t say I like that one very much. Crazy seems more elegant and demure next to whackjob not so mssa?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. + xhosa + zulu. No Norwegian, idk how to say anything in that.

          I’m not fond of the word bitch, not sure why, considering I generally turn the air around me blue with cursing. Crazy … I had too much of it growing up because … because idk, apparently I’m ‘different’ whatevertf that means. It kneejerks me back to childhood and adolescence, when I didn’t fit in anywhere. I know I’m far from alone in that, but that is how it panned out and got processed for me.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. No need to explain the languages..just trying, maybe in vain, to tickle your funny bone. You don’t like bitch huh? I don’t mind calling myself one, but not sure how I feel about others calling me one. Funny how we all personalize and digest words/their meanings differently. Context is key. For the record, I don’t think you’re crazy :)

            Liked by 1 person

            1. My autocorrect prefers butch to bitch (proof of which word gets more use around here hahaha). On my prudish phone, I get birch. Birch is nice. And ty, I don’t think you’re crazy either. And even if I did, I’d have the courtesy not to say it aloud.

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Robin Williams. ‘Nuff said. *I use humor too as a way to make myself feel unafraid, to calm and open myself up. I have zingers, as my Asshat friend in Philly says. :D I want to talk all over your brain

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Zingers here are a KFC thing. Hrm. I’d like my brain gently and expertly massaged rather than walked on tyvm. What if a tap dancer strolls in?? Eeeeeeeek.

      Asshat remains an awesome word. It’s a timeless classic.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Why am i just getting this?! Im good at massages. I hope you run in the other direction from the tap dancer. Asshat is awesome, as is bitchass mofo. And ive got a WHOLE dictionary of bad word combinations.


  3. At the height of a particularly wretched depression , I bought myself this obnoxiously bright purple and orange Jester hat. And any time I started feeling, well ya know like I wanted to kill or die, I’d put that stupid thing on and make myself look in the mirror. The jingly bells at the end just made it so ridiculous, the laughs were inevitable.It didn’t cure but it distracted until the bad thoughts passed. And for under ten bucks. That’s good therapy.
    Anyway, the demons are having a picnic today and invited the angels. No soul food and chili sauce but I hear they’re going to have devil’s food cake and angel food cake. ;)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is an incredibly cool tactic. The colour scheme would cause me to pass out. Hrm I actually own a red and white one from Denmark. But I don’t see many people v often at all. I shall try it on the dog. Lol the demonic-picnic sounds quite friendly after the last vomit vomcano one. Phew.


      1. I have a year old whose favorite color is pepto bismol pink. If I weren’t already sick in the head, her wardrobe would give me a stroke from the neon colors. Good thing we build up tolerance.


  4. Since you started about it, I have to confess that I lost my sense of humour at the age of 14. It is too long a story to explain in a comment, but it never came back. I feel like I should be a comedian, and I think it is very healthy to be one, if you can. Humor is of vital importance. I lost it, and no one helps you find it back I can tell you. When you lost it, you lost it. But deep inside, it waits in a dark corner and sometimes finds a way to the light ;) :D

    Liked by 1 person

          1. Everyone needs to have at least a fair amount of it, don’t they?

            I suddenly feel so sad. There is so much sadness in me, it seems. Thank you for communicating. I don’t want to pollute this topic though!

            Liked by 1 person

            1. You’re not polluting anything, and I like discussing things. I’ve been depressed for nearly two years now – your sadness is not going to freak me out. And sadness and laughter are opposite thing, so it isn’t off topic.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. It is just that no one seems to want to talk with me in real life. Now that you really are asking me some things about my past, I feel sadness coming trough, stirring thins loose! Thanks! We shouldn’t go too deep now, if not for the blogpost, then for the fact that you already did so much with your few comments. Thanks!

                Liked by 1 person

          2. I think ‘sarcasm’ is the right word for the tendency of my humor ;) But I am also many times deadserious! :P


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