a-z challenge: d

Doh ray mi da da da dum didi doo dum dum. Today’s post is brought to you by the letter D. D is for dog. D is also for disclaimer, but I can’t think of one for this. Damn.

The distraction du jour is a description of my own delightful dog, using particularly goofy images from medieval bestiaries. You have no idea just how much I am struggling right now, to avoid working the words doggy style into this post.


My dog is not blue, but she does wake me (early and often) by trying to drag me from the bed with a remarkably firm and supple paw. She also whines and whinges and whimpers; there is simply no ignoring her. I’m glad of it, it forces me to maintain routines and so on. I wasn’t a morning person till I met the mutt. Instant upgrade from therapy to service dog.


If only they could talk, they’d say “I want a walk!” People say if only they could talk quite often and I’ve always been wishful and wistful about the notion, until a friend remarked that actually it’d be a total pain in the arse, because dogs would follow us around saying things like give me food take me for a walk scratch my tummy oh look a rabbit incessantly. Dogs are eloquent enough and like most dogs, mine does a lot of her nagging sitting gazing at me adoringly while using jedi mind tricks to get her way. If she wasn’t beautifully obedient 90% of the time, she’d be unbearable. She’s so … dogged about things. BaDUM-tshhhh!


My dog’s dearest and most desperate desire is to catch a bird. Her hunting style is sight hound – she uses her eyes far more than her nose. On the beach, she barks joyously and races after gulls, cormorants and oystercatchers. They say oh thanks for the warning bark, now we will escape even faster than usual and off they zoom. Dog goes home to stalk frogs and catch beetles.


Bless her sweet little heart, she is the security department round here and she takes her job very seriously. It didn’t take too long to teach her not to woof raucously at every single thing that dares to stroll anywhere near the fence, but she still has her say. She barks under her breath, with a boef sound and a puffing out of both cheeks. I am completely safe from passers by, tractors, cats and I am especially safe from motorcycles, because according to her, they are seriously evil and certainly not to be trusted.


I don’t think that one needs discussion?


My dog is, of course, what all good dogs are to decent owners. Friend, companion, entertainment, loyal and devoted. Like most dogs, she asks for so little – 20 walks a day, 30 meals, a couple of comfortable couches, some toys and a reasonably sized country to dominate.

Yes, I am a childless old bat and no, I do not get out much.


Published by


battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

29 thoughts on “a-z challenge: d”

  1. Love this. You know, I am not sure she is a dog. I think she is a cat. BTW the moment I opened my eyes there you were posting. I guess that means I am a dog? 30 walks!! 30 meals!!! (I know small frequent meals are healthier but man!)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sweet,

    Glad you took up this challenge. It did me good last year and it was there I met Lady Dyane. I didn’t do it this year cause my bearings are more on fire than I’ll appreciate. However, am coping and often do thrive. Reading your posts is always lots of fun, empathy and sute good wishes. Seriously, if I even find myself in S.A, Madiba’s ghost help me to be in the same city as your dog and You!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Aww she’s your fur baby. And “boeuf” is a really funny sound…although my fur baby would be expected to speak French because she’s a Papillon ;)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ahhh mais oui – “boeuf” and “woof”. Kinda like “beef” and “teef” (teeth) is a juxtaposition of normal vs British English.

        Liked by 1 person

              1. No lovely, you are never daft…I’d say I’m the daft one who for lack of clever response kahnt add a thong to the laundry line ;)

                Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t know what I would do if dogs could talk. I wouldn’t be able to eat food around her because she’d just be like: “you bad mother. feed me. gimme the yummy stuff from your plate. hello? don’t you see my distressed face mom? hello. notice me.”

    She otherwise doesn’t make much demands. Not to go out at least. Her thing is my food and being carried and petted.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This was lovely. I also share my life with my canine companion and his demands are what keeps me on my toes… no time for sitting around thinking in here.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Um…I have eight kids. One has two legs, the others have four. They’re just children wearing furcoats. Furkids are just as legitimate as the obnoxious non therapeutic kind. (I fulfilled my destiny in becoming crazy old cat lady as predicted when I was five. And they say I have no follow through!)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have pups too and they’re very precious to me. I have one who had the same desire to catch a bird. He’s just a 10 pound shih tzu but we always told him he was in charge of “patrolling” our balcony and he did a great job, one day actually catching a pigeon and then not quite knowing what to do with it. My partner wrestled it away with him and the pigeon flew away (hopefully to recover, though I didn’t have a lot of pity for him, dirty bird), but Herbie proudly had feathers in his teeth for days.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I realized after I made this comment that it’s 99.9% perfect because you are *not* an
      old bat!!!!!! You are a YOUNG bat – bats are cool! And you’re only 44, you sprightly thing. It’s 45 when things go downhill and your boobs sag down to your toes in sixty seconds flat.

      You have a fur child, so you aren’t childless, but I know some dog owners hate that concept.
      I don’t mean to offend. Honestly, I consider Lucy to be my third child and she’s the most well behaved by FAR!

      Wish you could see her right now. I took a bath with her for an hour this morning (yep, when I give her a bath I join in) and she’s so gorgeously clean for the next few hours, anyway. I use a great all-natural mint and lavender dog shampoo made only a few hours away from here. The company donates a %of $ to women’s causes so I like that. I also like that the label says humans can use it too (I’ve never seen that claim before) and I’ve used it when I’ve run out of my own, and I enjoyed using Lucy’s brand.
      Like mother, like doghter. (I’m bad, I know!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol.

        I suspect I might be a fruitbat.

        I am so not discussing my breasts on your blog hahaha.

        I never say furkid or furbaby, it doesn’t work with my tough guy image. And I never bath the dog, because she’s short haired and one shouldn’t unless it’s nec, because it messes with their natural oils. I do hose her off if she’s muddy – and I rinse sea salt off if nec, but it isn’t usually. I think if I tried to bath with her I’d exit screaming and bleeding.

        You and Lucy are totally cool.



        1. Dear Fruitbat, Lucy’s fur is a super-thick pelt – – she has two or three layers. I’ve never had a dog like her and it takes a crazylong time to rinse her because the fur absorbs so much lather. I use a relatively small amount, and I don’t bath her a lot; I’m sure the natural oils are doing the job, but once in a while we take our bath. She gets to be quite stinky and I like to bring her into the bed. She likes the bed too. Craig doesn’t believe in dogs in beds, but I wear the pants in this family. Anyhoo I sing to her while she’s in the tub. It’s obvious she’s not thrilled with being soaped up, but she’s resigned to it and at least she doesn’t try to jump out like my other dogs did. I sing silly songs to her as well – the poor beast.


          1. Eeeeep sorry Dy, I didn’t mean to question your and Lucy’s bath regime. I know you always treat her like gold. I’m v glad it’s not just me that sings to dogs … I haven’t admitted that one before. My dog snoozes with me too. I spoil her freaking rotten.

            Soz again xox

            Liked by 1 person

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