grief in brief

Lately when I get email notifications regarding bipolar, I go ugh at the subject line and go no further. I take that as a very good sign; a sign that the obsessive research is over. I’ll read stuff again, I’ll have questions again, but right now I got nuthin. Anyway, my mind is occupied with other things. I shall be very pleased when February vanishes.

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Notes – because entire thoughts are too much to tackle today:
Back to only posting impersonal things on fb, the post the other day upset me. Well. Anyway.
One of my five friends in the area is emigrating in a few months time.
I confronted one of the causes of conflict this morning and although she reacted quietly, it’s left a very sour taste indeed.
My dog looked for Hyaenadog with great concentration and for ages yesterday evening. It felt as thought my heart shattered like a windscreen with a gravestone through it.
I hate February.
I hate February.
I hate February.
There are only six days left of February, but they’re the most triggery ones.
I am tired of having to fake being ok irl because people just don’t know what to say. I totally understand their point of view, but nobody has to provide a solution, just friendship.

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Published by

blahpolar

battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

8 thoughts on “grief in brief”

  1. I understand your pain. We all feel impotent when we see so much pain in someone. I just wish better days will come to you to heal those wounds. What we all have in common is the fact that we are in a great deal of pain, no matter the reasons. I wish these dark clouds go away for good, I am so tired of not having a break to enjoy life like I used to when I was a child.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, I’m sure you’ll get this…but I’ve commented several times only to either erase what I said, forget to post or just, I don’t know. I’m blah too. Two blahs make for not much good and I can’t even form a coherent thought to relate back to what you wrote but it’s not because I don’t care. So I guess I wanted to say I care and I read your blog. <3

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thinking of you in this last stretch.

    Somehow I can comment, but I am absolutely incapable of blogging about how I feel lately. I don’t want to wallow for posterity and at least grab some sense of normality from being more bookish and engaging readers and even a publisher who is thanking me for my reviews by sending me an upcoming title. It is misleading though because I am fighting a bone weary fatigue that has me frightened. I hope blood tests this week point to something treatable, like B12, iron or thyroid.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s really cool re the publisher! And your reviews are v good indeed.

      Shouldn’t you take vitamin b complex too – or do you already? I hope the blood tests prove something treatable too. All of this “chronic and progressive but we can’t do anything much about him and oh by the way most of the world will treat you like shit” stuff is exhausting.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I actually once had to have B12 injections when I was much younger. I am not disciplined in taking vitamins but should be better. Part of me wonders if I have just run down the motor after months of being up and that this is the depressive side of the coin. It is so hard to know but I am getting help (even if it is being delivered at a snail’s pace…)

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Put your vitamins into your daily routine, darlink. I’m usually shit at it too, but I am taking it a bit more seriously now.

          And yeah … depression … it’s a mofo of a bitch.

          Like

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