Who Do You Manage Your Illness For?

“They classify people with depression as lazy, people with bipolar as crazy, and people with schizophrenia as dangers to society. If you can’t will yourself into being better, than you are an attention-seeker, a downer debbie that craves drama. Turn that frown upside down, and get over yourself. We’ve all heard it.”

Missus Fissure

Mentally ill or not, we all have facades that we present to the world to help us cope with our surroundings. Some of us choose to have perfect makeup, beautiful hair, manicured nails, or maybe a nice car to meet clients in. How about that giant house you’re paying out the nose for? It’s all part of how we wish to present ourselves to the outsiders that we have to deal with. But what about people that are in our inner circles? It’s harder to maintain this facade with your family, your lover, your children, your best friends. When you live with mental illness these facades are infinitely more difficult to maintain. Sometimes you have several, but there are cracks in all of them, and over time the people whom you love the most will bear witness to the darkness that flows like nightmares through those cracks. 

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battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

3 thoughts on “Who Do You Manage Your Illness For?”

  1. To BE or not to BE…This is the question. I am never going to get over the feeling that something is stolen from me in return for the ME I need to be around others. I reckon it’s a toss-load different when you, like me, live surrounded by so many others. You know I am undiagnosed, but whatever the fuck it is that I ‘have’ seats me firmly on the outside of the outside if I don’t tone myself down to an acceptable hue… not too bright on the eyes or the mind. I medicate, I STFU when I really don’t want to, I become what is necessary… but I will never stop resenting the need to do so. In the middle of nowhere, with a couple of cats and enough books to fill entire rooms…no bloody problem, no condition. What I need is a world without the blur, where it is okay to yell at people to back the fuck off NOW. I don’t know that I medicate FOR as much as I medicate AGAINST. Sorry… Rant… it feels almost as good as being able to breathe without self reminders to do it deeply and evenly.


    1. I know – and you know you can rant anytime. Maybe it doesn’t matter whether one medicates for or against. I thought about my crap in the context of your comment and I’m damned if I know re my own meds. But I do know I need the meds. And yes it’s different in good and bad ways – being alone or being surrounded. You are extreeemely surrounded. I couldn’t do it. You’re brave and kind – so is D. Not many people would do what you do.


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