Fakers & Voices

This South African dude wants people to stop pretending to be bipolar to avoid stuff. Do people do that? If it happened around me I’d be pissed about it too.

This is the catch – many people claim to be Bipolar or depressed and many people use this excuse as something to explain things such as mood swings, depression or doing stuff they know they shouldn’t be doing and most of these people I have met have never gotten help for it; simply because someone might tell them they are full of shit.

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I’m still disturbed by the schizophrenic blogger, who lives according to their voices and does not have medication or therapy. I can’t avoid their posts without unfollowing #schizophrenia, and I refuse to. Me and my bipolar psychosis have too much in common there, I need that feed. So anyway, I thought they were going to leave WordPress, because it was apparently worshipping the devil and attacking them by changing their fonts, and I was quite pleased. They got through that one though and are back to categorising the world into team god and team devil.

Turns out they’re ok with us queers, because they’ve had 2.5 gay crushes (whut?), but are very anti transgender. Aaaaaaaarrrrghhhhhh!!! I mean, fuck! There is no way I would be keeping quiet usually. It makes me wonder how many other bigots I’ve confronted actually have serious diagnoses including psychosis or paranoia or something. The last thing I ever want to do is add to the already staggering heights of stigma about mental illness. It is quite a conundrum.

Of course, before I sound off about other people, I check the corners of my own soul. Am I a bigot? Yes. I’m wary of Christians and Americans and people who dislike dogs and the Lord of the Rings. I am able to see all of those things for what they are and question myself and challenge any assumptions that arise though. I would miss out on knowing a whole load of awesome people if I listened to my own shit so much. But then, I do not spend my days and nights with voices telling me all kinds of stuff. There but for the grace of *something* go I, after all.

If I actually knew them, knowing me I’d be a serious med-evangelist and preach hard. But is that even right? I heard the Dalai Lama speak one time and after the talk he took some questions. A woman asked how we could help Tibet.

If you meet a Chinese person and you want to tell them how you feel, tell them. If they listen, talk. If they don’t want to hear you, walk away.

Perhaps I have a basic human responsibility to say something to them, but what? And I don’t know the full picture, just what’s online, which by the way is their real name. And clearly they have insight enough to know the voices are voices, it’s just that they appear to believe the voices implicitly.

They are just one person and so am I. Perhaps we cancel each other out. Nice thought, but I don’t believe in natural equilibrium at those levels.

I can thank them quietly in my own mind for the philosophical challenges they provoked, I know myself a little bit better now. I also know my own unrealistic and arrogant tendencies to want to save the whole world.

Maybe I’m subconsciously hoping they’ll read this post. Oh look, it’s not subconscious anymore.

Yours in manypolar gender fluidity, trying hard not to join the hate speech police …

Me.

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Published by

blahpolar

battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

8 thoughts on “Fakers & Voices”

  1. I don’t know what is worse…the feeling that I am going crazy or people telling that all I have to do is turn to God and be happy and I won’t feel this way anymore. Don’t get me wrong…I am a Christian…but God is not the answer to the fucked up chemistry in my brain.

    There are always people in every arena who have judgements and opinions about others. It’s when those judgements prevent is from seeing that other person as a beautiful person that needs to be treated respectfully…that’s where we miss it.

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  2. People fake to be religious to get the tangible benefits of a church. Sadly it does not surprise me people are ignorant and will use any excuse for self preservation.

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  3. One piece of friendly advice: don’t look to schizophrenia to understand your psychotic tendencies. Especially if your source prefers to disregard treatment.

    Psychosis can be a feature of a high fever, a bad acid trip and any host of neurological incidents and disorders. Psychosis also tends to draw on pre-existing cultural, personal or social factors in some way. I would suspect that most bigots are quite sane and rational in their hatreds – that does NOT mean they are right. Bigotry toward a group of any sort is an educated condition in most situations and in the most virulent cases it reflects a fear, either of those who are different (race, religion etc) or too similar (internalized homophobia for example).

    And I don’t sense that you are a bigot. You have some pet peeves (who doesn’t?), some healthy wariness but and the ability to question yourself first. Bigotry is very black and white, it has to be challenged because it does not challenge itself.

    (I am oddly philosophical today, must be the sun melting all the snow off my deformed and damaged trees…)

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    1. Oh…thanks again bud. Erm I defffffinitely don’t pay attention to the unmedicated blogger in that regard.

      Ooooh deformed and damaged trees in the snow … mmmm beautiful!

      And thank you again (as always).

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  4. As someone who has schizoaffective disorder (combo of schizophrenic and bipolar symptoms) I know what it’s like to have voices and I know they are voices. There are times when I implicitly believe all the nonsense that they say and there is an aspect of psychosis I have learned and that is it plays off your fears. If I fear family, they are in my delusions and what my voices say, if it’s morality/religion then that comes up. I’d imagine the blogger you are talking about has to have some very fluctuating levels of functioning able to run a blog, fb, have delusions/voices talk about it but still stick with it. Those people are even harder to *cough* put up with because they seem somewhat okay. But even people without mental health diagnosis who are as the world see’s it very “okay” have distorted beliefs that can lead to bigotry. I wouldn’t let him/her off the hook for the bigotry because of there mental illness but it may be important to realize that you may be just getting into a shouting match with someone that is irrational whether it is due to psychosis or bigotry- both can be very strong.

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