itching bitching

Itchyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

Up at midnight to aim a hot shower at suddenly sore back and scrrrrrratchhhhhhh all over, cunningly disguised as washing. Alternately clenching my jaw and gurning like a MaDMAn …. feeling sick, sore, scratchy and of course it’s all minor.

Grrrumble whinge whine bitch moan …

When I win the lottery, I’m going to buy a psychiatrist and it will be my bitch. It will pander to me 24/7 – every mood shift, every symptom and side effect. It will be epic.

Me: *imperious ringing of pavlovian bell/cellphone*
It: (scurrying) Y-y-yes, your lowness?
Me: (petulant) I am ITCHY!
It: (stricken) I’ll get Kristin Scott Thomas, a vat of lotion and a paintbrush right away, your lowness!

Etcetera.

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Published by

blahpolar

battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

19 thoughts on “itching bitching”

  1. have you consider taking one of those sticks that have a plastic hand attached in one side and allows you to enjoy scratching?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love the psychiatrist idea, too. Also that the psychiatrist doesn’t get a human pronoun. Now why Kristin Scott Thomas? Is that a film reference for a movie I haven’t seen? Personally,I’d opt for Scarlett Johanssen in her Black Widow outfit!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oooh a personal psychiatrist. Mine would be… Julianne Moore! No, wait… Christina Kendrick… No, wait, they are both poor choices. No attention would be paid to actual psychiatry….

    Like

  4. yeah my teeth started cracking and my dentist made me wear an appliance to protect them, fat lot of good it did when the same dentist described my childhood dentist as a sloppy bricklayer and my old fillings were causing me to have dental problems, and now I have a third dentist and my teeth are cracking and the old fillings are falling out not necessarily in that order.

    Like

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