we need to talk about bipolar lesbians

There’s a perception online that a lot of lesbians are bipolar. Let’s get one thing straight (I can never resist saying that), statistically, it doesn’t hold up, so the vitriol about it is unjust and lazy.

What I think is accurate though, is that there are a lot of bipolar lesbians online. Btw that’s a lazy assumption based on two subjects I’m always on the lookout for anyway. But it’s my tribe, right? One of many I belong to. So I give a shit.

Google bipolar lesbian dating. I’ll wait.


I know, right?

It’s fucking depressing. Minus the fucking.

If, on the other hand, you google bipolar dating (nah, I’m not waiting, you can do that one on your own time), you will come away with a bleak, but realistic picture and some seriously good advice about how to actually have a relationship that works. The odds aren’t great, but you don’t get the OMG NO SCARY MAD DRUNK PSYCHO LESBIAN factor.

Even Card Carrying Lesbian, who is a very balanced writer on the subject of bipolar etc, only comes up in the initial google results with a piece she wrote in response to an omg no scary mad lesbian scenario. Us dykes are forever ripe for sensationalism, it seems. And I don’t even know who to bellow at about it. (No helpful results for is google heterosexual?)

I’ve been single in the past due to my ahem chaos. And I have been single for other reasons too. Normal reasons, whatever they are. I am single right now and actually, I don’t think my bipolar is to blame.

Would I date me? On paper, no. Who the hell wants someone who seduces you with helium happiness, then introduces you to the most morose person on earth? Would I date a correctly medicated me? I don’t know. That would be remission and recurrence is almost guaranteed.

But sometimes even relationships with truly shitty odds work out anyway. Emphasis on the word work there, methinks.

Let me clarify though, this time all the me in the post is hypothetical; I am not looking for a relationship. Lots of lesbians are though and the publicity is not good for those of us battling bipolar.

Lesbians can be good people and quite frequently are. Ditto bipolar people. Quod erat demonstrandum all I am saying is give bipolar lesbians a chance.

(Dora the Explorer is irrelevant, it just made me laugh. A google image search of bipolar lesbian is just disturbing btw.)

I am a bipolar dyke.



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battlescarred, bright, bewildered, bent, blue & bipolar

27 thoughts on “we need to talk about bipolar lesbians”

  1. Do bipolar lesbians actually exist? I mean gay people in general have to deal with so many shit: stigma, prejustice, your family hoping you will be ”cured” . If someone is sure about being bipolar (by discovering it alone or with the help of a therapist) i accept what she says 100% but aren’t most bitches labeling you bipolar when you live your life the way you want and not the way they want?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol! I wish. Was diagnosed by my psychiatrist after her knowing me long enough to identify cycles. I suspect bipolar lesbians are more common than manatees.

      Self diagnosis is a tricky one eh – I don’t think everyone has the objectivity and insight – using insight there to mean awareness of delusions and hallucinations not real etc.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s interesting. I googled it and it seems like really many people think that many lesbians must be bipolar in USA. For example I live in Czech Republic and I am sure I have met few lesbians already. I know only one person, who is bipolar and she is straight so it really surprised me. On the other hand our mentality is in very few ways different, because I know only 2 a persons, who ever visited a therapist. I think our nation has kinda lax relationship to it’s health.
    Anyway I don’t think being bipolar must be a super barrier for love. Once you find someone with a good heart, she will understand and help you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is a really great post. I agree with so much of what you’ve said, on so many levels. There *is* definitely this idea that there are loads of bipolar lesbians roaming about, but it’s so… gaaaah, it just doesn’t correlate. I think there is also an idea that there is more of a correlation in general between sexuality and mental health. I know LGBT people have statistically higher experience of depression and anxiety, and that’s hardly surprising given how shit the people around us can be sometimes. But in terms of organic mental illness? I really don’t think that being gay inclines you more towards mental illness, or the other way around.

    I have also noticed that a lot of bisexual people I know get labelled with “bpd”, as though bisexuality were a sign of instability (uncertainty about self-image, including sexual orientation, is one of the “symptoms” apparently, and bisexuality, clearly, has to be a sign that a person clearly doesn’t know what s/he wants. *sarcastic face*

    Sorry I have gone on a giant rant now, and all I wanted to say was: great post! I, too, am a proud bipolar dyke ;-)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey noooo don’t apologise, you just validated my rant – I’m delighted. And glad it’s not just me sitting muttering about it.

      Have you noticed people using bpd to = bipolar disorder too? Moar gah!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This was an odd one to read. Even though I live in Idaho these days, I spent most of my life in California, not all that far from San Francisco. I’ve met and gotten to know MANY people in the LGBT community. I never noticed a disproportionate number of them having or talking about bipolar disorder.

    Also, off and on for years, I’ve gone to mental health support groups because of my own issues. I’ve, so far, met only two lesbians in all these groups.


      1. I understood that part. I think it was me who wasn’t being clear. I was making my point to support what you were saying in your post. That the internet presents an unrealistic picture of bipolar lesbians. That out there in the real world, things are different.


  5. My two cents: I would doubt there is a higher ratio of bipolar among LGBT folk. I certainly have encountered bipolar FTMs, often because the frequency of T dosages is often adjusted to avoid huge mood swings. However, if mood disorders have a genetic basis but may not be triggered into full clinical expression without another epigentic factor (illness, trauma, etc), then it would not surprise me if there seems to be a higher level of diagnosis of mood disorders among LGBT individuals because for many there is a “trauma” of growing up feeling different, being rejected by family, internalized homophobia etc. I can’t help but think that my own journey to make sense of my gender identity contributed to the serious manic break that led to my diagnosis. For years I coasted the ups and downs and there is certainly a lot of tendency to mood disorders/anxiety in my family and a legacy of alcoholism.


    1. I couldn’t agree more; there’s no statistical backup for it either. It’s just an impression and question that has been asked enough online to make it a little urban myth sort of a thing.


      1. I think Ghost above has a point. Anybody could develop problems after being exposed to prejudices all their lives. We could isolate the data by comparing the ratio in LGBT community in, say, Sweden and, say, Uganda or Russia.


      1. You know me now!

        (Well, I’m queer. & I’ve never been diagnosed, but I’m almost positive I am bipolar. I know – self-diagnosis – but I tried to kill myself at age 12, so… you know.)

        Anyway, nice to meet you :D

        It’s super awesome seeing that there are other queers online struggling with mental health issues!!!

        Liked by 1 person

          1. That day, I felt relieved. Now I tend to get most suicidal when I’m in mixed states, frantic and crying and running around. When I’m super depressed, I am in bed, and I don’t even care enough to kill myself.

            Do you suffer with a similar thing?


  6. That helium thing has been at the beginning of all my relationships I think; and I have been properly medicated for some time. Ergo I have not been dating, never mind long-terming. Soooo it makes one think sometimes … I’m actually glad I have not been tempted in that direction. The end result of the heliumism/hedonism is no fun at all.

    I like what you said about things “working” out. We (humans) seem to think good relationships just happen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes the helium is that initial gorgeous infatuation. Like you, it’s been some time and there is no likelihood of it changing.

      Thanks lots k.


      1. Yes it is gorgeous isn’t it? sigh. Does that mean it’s not real? I don’t know but it sure is a letdown when that stops and the reality and/or depression hit. Like I said I’m pretty glad I’ve not been tempted in that direction for a long long time. I mean LONG time. :(

        Liked by 1 person

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